I understand

This post from Craig Groeschel captured my mind this morning. The bare Truth of what he wrote pinned me to the wall. The greatest growth points in our family's life have always been preceded by times of private pain, often due to the testing of our integrity. Will we follow God, do the right thing, and trust Him even when other ways could be easier?

Here's Craig's Post. (If it doesn't link you directly, it's the April 22nd post).

Holy Spirit Lessons

I try to spend the some time at the beginning of each year reflecting on what the Holy Spirit taught me (or, in most cases, tried to teach me) over the previous year. 2008 was a year when He seemed to teach me many lessons...or, perhaps, I just needed to learn a lot. 

Here are some of the lessons that have made the deepest marks on me. I don't claim to have learned them, only that He is teaching them to me. I pray I learn them and He may transform me.

• Criticism and Condescension ~ One of the things that has marked the lives of those whom I have followed who know Christ well is that they seldom fall into the trap of placing people into categories, talking about their weaknesses, thinking less of people, arrogance, pride, and so on. He has challenged me to be an encourager first and foremost. He has challenged me to speak Truth TOO people, but when I am talking ABOUT them, to speak positive Truth or keep silent. I've still got a lot to learn here.
• The need for ALL of the Spiritual Gifts ~ In the history of the church, we have often made the mistake of overemphasizing or de-emphasizing certain gifts of the Spirit. In recent years, much teaching has gone into certain Spiritual Gifts, and much of it needed, but the unfortunate result has been an unbiblical hierarchy of gifts and an attitude that, "the church can survive without certain gifts, but not without THE gift." Scripture is clear that all the gifts are needed. The higher gifts are the gifts that receive least notice. If any gift is to be sought or held up, it is the gift of prophecy, which is often the least popular...especially viewed by those with administration and leadership gifts.
• A daily time of Reading and Reflection on God's Word is not ideal, it is VITAL for the growing believer ~ My first question of people these days who are struggling is, "are you spending time, not just reading, but listening to God's Word? Every day?" My heart, my thoughts, my effectiveness, my peace, my parenting and so much more is affected far more than I am aware by my time in His Word.
• A growing Love for People who want to know God, but aren't sure who He is ~ He is breaking my heart more and more for people who need Jesus. I am almost overwhelmed by the weight of watching people try to live life without Him. And, conversely, I am sickened by those who know the Truth who insist on pursuing anything BUT Him. I also long to be part of a movement that helps those who seek to find Him. A church that simply brings people in from other churches, or only "saves" those with previous church experience is not the answer...there must be more for what God's doing in my heart.
• He is a God of Promise ~ He promised me and my family several things 8 years ago. Some of those I have seen already and others I continue to watch and wait for His faithfulness. He has reminded me again that He always delivers on His promise to His children.
• My First People to Pastor are my Family ~ I was strongly prompted to make several commitments after our Sabbatical. The primary focus of each of these was our health and Kingdom focus. Scripture is clear on this, as a leader in the Church, my first responsibility is to keep my family healthy (which includes my own soul).

I could write several more lessons, but these are the primary ones that are still affecting my thinking on a daily basis. I so love my Savior and His graciousness to continue to transform and teach me.

Honesty

One of the things I've noticed among different leaders lately is a sort of passive less-than-honest manipulation.

Sometimes I've been guilty of it.

We see an individual and assess their gifts, talents, skills, etc and "place" them in our mind. Or, we watch them in action and determine that he/she needs to be "placed" differently than they are.

But, instead of talking about it openly, or, perhaps investing in them to grow them into where we thought they don't fit, we begin to offer passive suggestions and comments. We slowly push them where WE think they should be.

I've done this, and am not proud of it. 

The more I understand my role as a leader in the church (which is another discussion altogether - the current view of what leadership is and isn't), the more I realize that my primary job is listening for the direction of the Holy Spirit and then, openly and honestly, acting on His direction.

Is subtlety sometimes necessary? Yes, but only at His direction. We are to apt to be manipulative and I've rarely, if ever, seen that work.

Kind Affirmations

I've felt the Holy Spirit stirring some fresh winds and directions in my soul for some time now. At times they've left me a little confused and, frankly, nervous about what He's doing in me and what He wants to do through our family.

In the last week He has graciously allowed me to receive some affirmations. Affirmation is always good for the soul, but they are also dangerous. I've watched far too many people receive affirmation and suddenly they are making decisions and heading in directions due to an inflated ego that they should not go. I've watched people hear someone say about them, "I think you could be ____________ someday (you fill in the blank" and then, due to that affirmation, they began to subtly offer suggestions and manipulations to worm their way to that position.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that work hard and promoting oneself is a bad thing if it's done with humility and grace. But, I think sometimes that we are too full of ourselves and not full enough of faith in a God who has a future in mind for us. I wonder how often we miss that mark when we're looking to fulfill man's prophecies instead of God's purposes.

As I've received and heard these kind words about my service on the DBMD, teaching with the Spiritual Formation Department, teaching in our local church, and some people's "hints" for what they think might be a possible future for me, for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that these kinds of statements scare me more than they encourage me. Do they make me feel good? Yes, and they should. But, I don't know what the Holy Spirit has in store for me. What I DO know is that my future is His job and not mine. 

My job is to be faithful in the here and now. 

My job is to listen for His voice and act on it.

My job is to fulfill the purposes and calling currently on my life.

My job is to guard my heart from influences apart from Him.

Who knows what He's forming in me?

Who know if the kind words people have said are true? People are fickle.

But I do know, that He is a faithful God who loves to do things with His kids that they can't ask or imagine.

What God has Taught me

I've had several ask me what God has taught me over the course of our sabbatical. I'm not prepared to share it all, as I'm still trying to learn it, I'll tell you if I have six months from now. Three things, though, come to mind as being significant lessons for me:

1. Rest ~ God made the Sabbath for man, not man for the Sabbath. He created Sabbath patterns and seasons. These were not designed to be super spiritual learning times, but times of rest. Don't overspiritualize these times, but don't miss their vital importance FOR our spiritual well-being. When the Sabbath was instituted, man's daily life was filled with the chores of life. Now, we seem to save all of the "non-work" (personal) related chores for our day off and so we never do rest.
2. God's Ministers/Pastors SHOULD be the most healthy people on the planet and yet they are among the most UNhealthy. We have God's Truth. We have God's pattern for life. And yet, somehow we think that we can be disobedient and live "above" this because we are called to be ministers. This isn't just physical health, but emotional, relational, patterns of work, drivenness, etc.
3. I am PART of God's plan (and that's vital) I am not ALL of God's plan ~ God often works in generations to accomplish His work. I so often get trapped into thinking that He's going to accomplish it all in my lifetime. This doesn't mean that I don't work hard, but it does mean that the "production" is up to Him and His timing and not me.
   

The Devourer

We've been home for just about 24 hours and already there have been moments when it is tempting to forget the joy and blessing of the last weeks and focus on the moment.

The Bible calls both Satan and sin by the name of "the one who devours"...the reality is we live in a world that is decaying due to sin even as Satan attempts to devour the good that is beyond the reach of decay. Ok, that was my moment of theology... :-)

Already, we've been faced with a car that is missing horribly, a dryer that is dying rapidly, and several other items such as a broken paper shredder that aren't a big deal unless combined with the annoyances of the bigger things.

I'm rarely one to give satan credit for everything bad that happens (and won't give him credit for these mechanical pains in the butt), but he and his cronies definitely exploit opportunities like this to devour joy, memories of blessing, celebrations of God's amazing faithfulness, and every other good and perfect gift that have come from above. Mark (in chapter 4) shares Jesus' parable of how the enemy swoops in to steal seeds of God's Word spoken to us if we aren't careful to make sure our hearts stay cultivated and tender to His voice.

I fully expect other events, people, and moments to give me "opportunity" to harden my heart and allow my joy and the depth of what He has spoken to me recently to be stolen away. I am determined to stay focussed on my Provider...whether it's dryers, cars, electronics or people, I know that they are ultimately His and He will take care of each in an amazingly faithful manner. (Jere. 29:11, Malachi 10:11-12)

The most difficult challenge, and I hesitate to write this, will be people I think. Well meaning people who will want me to know all the things that have gone wrong while we were gone. Well meaning people who may be subconsciously (or consciously) bothered by us being gone for so long and they were not.

My prayer this week, based on Psalm 103, is that we would be a means of bringing joy, health, and freshness instead of the reverse.

One Week

It's been one week to the day since we left Sacramento and headed East. I haven't posted in a few days mainly because I've had far too many thoughts and was tempted to move into "work" mode.

The Holy Spirit has been working on me for many months now. This summer could not come at a better time for my soul (but God's timing is always the right time isn't it?). I have to confess, I've been tired in my soul for months. Not necessarily physically tired, so many others have so much more to deal with in their lives than I do. There has just been a weariness in my soul that has, at times, been beyond my ability to know what to do. There has been a creeping coldness at times in my soul that I have had to actively fight. The kind of coldness that causes an internal self-absorption instead of an outward heart-for-the-world.

In the middle of this subtle battlefield, the Holy Spirit has been quietly transforming my mind and heart once again. He's brought me to points of re-examining, deepening, and strengthening values, purpose, and faith. I know He's preparing me for another wave of involvement in His activities. I'm not sure what that looks like yet...in fact, I've got a lot of questions I'm asking right now.

I do know a few things He seems to be saying clearly:

• Relationships are more important to God's work than I've ever come to understand in the past.
• I am to somehow lean into my strengths and away from my weaknesses more than ever before.
• My family is my first ministry.
• God made seasons for a reason - we are to live and move in seasons.
• God is using a new wave of leaders with a different focus than the last 20 years (more on this at some other time).
• I am to go deeper into His Word than ever before.
• I have seen myself as not having much vision, I have more vision than I have given myself credit for.
• I need to spend more time visiting churches (not necessarily big ones) that are accomplishing the Mission (capital M) to keep my heart stirring - this comes from visiting a friend's church this morning (another post).
• God is creative - we limit Him when we emulate other churches instead of seeking His face AND using the brains that He has given us. This takes time, brains, study, experimentation and prayer. It does not mean that we don't study and use what others are doing. It does mean that He likes doing new things.
• It is vital for churches to figure out the key to their culture. What language speaks the loudest? What communicates love the most? What will turn the heads of the community due to their surprise and wonder at who these people are instead of shock and dismay?

I've got to stop...there's a ton working on my heart right now. I pray that I am being renewed for another wave of being in the center of His active Kingdom.

Change and listening

The Lord is using some circumstances in my life to force me to think about change for my future. We'll see what He says in the quietness of the summer. 

Most of the time I look forward to listening, but this is one time I'm not so sure...

Listening

I've been waking up at 4:30 in the morning with an adrenaline rush. Not the good kind that comes with excitement, but the kind that comes with fear. My mind is immediately filled with the stuff that needs to be done while wearing all the various hats I wear. Needless to say, it's not the best way to start the day.

One of the chief causes of the adrenaline rush these days is my fear, for lack of a better word, of not hearing the voice of God in the middle of the noise of my life. I know so few people who are able to listen to His promptings well. I want to hear Him well...but I don't.

I hope to turn the volume down in my mind this summer and learn to listen to His voice. I need it. I don't want to continue without it.